


insecurity, eat me up

by kinneyb



Series: first times [11]
Category: The Witcher (TV), Wiedźmin | The Witcher - All Media Types
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-13
Updated: 2020-01-13
Packaged: 2021-02-27 07:21:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,652
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22243273
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kinneyb/pseuds/kinneyb
Summary: "Do you still have feelings for her?”Geralt blinked once. “What? I- no, I thought we already had this conversation.”Jaskier shrugged and looked away again. “I just… I would understand if you do."/Geralt almost says those three big words. He doesn't. Chaos (almost) ensues.
Relationships: Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia/Jaskier | Dandelion
Series: first times [11]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1579837
Comments: 32
Kudos: 2120





	insecurity, eat me up

**Author's Note:**

> so close... but not yet also ciri finally makes her appearance! a baby  
> follow me on twitter @ queermight

Cirilla was sweet, a little hardened around the edges, sure, but obviously a nice girl underneath all the pain and suffering and- okay, the point was Jaskier liked her well enough. And for some reason Geralt seemed fond of her right off the bat.

Which was also no problem.

The problem was Cirilla did not seem very fond of Jaskier. She eyed him suspiciously, asked too many questions he did not have answers to.

She had just met Geralt, too, but was already protective of him, like a cat with claws. Jaskier would’ve thought it was cute if he wasn’t the one being scratched.

Geralt assured him he was imagining things.

“She thinks I’m like a- a whore you’re paying or something!” he exclaimed. “I told her we were partners, and she went " _uh huh_ ”, Geralt.“

Geralt stared at him with open amusement. They were staying at an inn for the night, Geralt and Jaskier in one room, and Cirilla in the room across the hall.

"And?” he prompted.

Jaskier gasped. “Geralt, it was a very _judgmental_ "uh huh.” You should’ve heard it. The girl has no respect for me.“

"She’s just met you, Jaskier,” he said, softening a bit. He reached over and grabbed his hand. “She’s been through a lot. Give her time.”

Jaskier sighed lightly, drawing circles in the palm of Geralt’s hand with a finger. “See, that’s the thing, though- she’s had no problem cozying up to you. What’s- ” he frowned. “What’s wrong with me?”

Geralt didn’t answer at first, just tugged Jaskier into his lap by his hand. Jaskier settled in his lap, staring at him expectantly. Geralt brushed his hands up and down his sides.

“We have a history, Jaskier. That’s all. Don’t fret so much.”

Jaskier nearly pouted. “I can’t help it.”

Geralt nodded. His hands dipped lower, squeezing Jaskier’s ass. “Well, then,” he breathed. “Maybe you just need a distraction.”

Jaskier chewed on his bottom lip, considering his options. He reached down and brushed some hair out of Geralt’s face. “I do,” he agreed finally, leaning down and pressing their lips together.

Jaskier smiled at Geralt as he stood up and went off into the woods in search of food. Since Cirilla had joined them, Geralt had gotten into the habit of trying to get a room every night, proper food.

Tonight was an exception, simply because they were all exhausted from their travels and too far from any towns.

Sighing, Jaskier leaned back against a tree and watched the fire.

He wanted to say he was flattered that Geralt trusted him to watch over- and protect- Cirilla, but he knew that wasn’t the case. He trusted Cirilla to protect herself, which was fair.

Jaskier had gotten better with his knife, thanks to Geralt’s teachings, but he was still just an amateur.

After a few minutes, he noticed Cirilla was staring at him. He smiled in what he hoped was a charming way.

“Don’t tell me I have something on my face,” he joked weakly.

Cirilla did not laugh. “I don’t get it. What _are_ you to him?” she asked, again.

“I told you,” he started, “we’re partners.”

Cirilla squinted, a thoughtful look on her face. “So who’s Yennefer, then?” she asked. “I assumed she was… _involved_ with Geralt.”

Jaskier scooted closer to the fire. “That’s… fair,” he said slowly. “Geralt has a history with Yennefer, to say the least.” He ignored the little spark of jealously in the pit of his stomach. He liked Yennefer now more than ever, but he wasn’t sure he’d ever not feel a little jealous thinking about her history with Geralt.

“But they’re not together now?” she asked curiously.

Jaskier shrugged, warming his hands over the fire. “No, not really,” he said. “We haven’t seen her in a few months. Since then, it’s just been me and Geralt.”

She nodded slowly, still eyeing him. “Geralt doesn’t talk about Yennefer a lot.”

“Most men don’t enjoy discussing their exes,” he replied breezily.

“But I… I want to know,” she said. “I don’t… get it, but I feel like I know her.”

Jaskier looked over and for the first time he saw Cirilla for who she really was: a scared little girl. She might’ve been strong, much stronger than Jaskier, and brave and stubborn but in the end she was still just a child. He nodded. “Well, I don’t know her as well as Geralt,” he said with a shrug. “But you can ask me anything.”

Cirilla lit up. “Really?”

He smiled at her, encouragingly. “Mhmm.”

So, he spent the next few minutes answering all her questions. Well, he had to skip a few simply because he didn’t know the answer. But he told her all about Yennefer’s powers, how they met her, her personality.

“She sounds…” Cirilla hesitated, “ _ambiguous_.”

Jaskier smirked. “What an interesting and nice way of putting it.” She shrugged, and he continued, “I was… not very fond of her at first,” he admitted, staring into the fire. “I don’t know. I think part of it was jealously. I wasn’t even with Geralt when we met, but I think I knew, even then, I had feelings for him.”

“Makes sense,” she piped up. “I mean, it’s kind of dumb for a human to follow him around like you do.”

Jaskier raised an eyebrow, smirking again. “Wow, thanks.”

“I’m just saying,” she specified, “most humans would’ve gotten scared and abandoned him. You stayed because you… have feelings for him.”

Jaskier looked away. “He’s a good person, Cirilla. He might not always act like it, but he’s good. On, like, a deep level.” He looked back and smiled softly. “I’m glad he will be there for you, after all you’ve lost.”

Cirilla stared at him. “I think I judged you too fast,” she said after a moment. “It was just- I couldn’t understand why he was traveling with a human. Then I hear of Yennefer, this powerful sorceress, and I wonder: why would he not be with her? But that was… unfair of me. I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be,” he replied quickly. “I get it. I’m not exactly the kind of person you’d expect the mighty Geralt of Rivia to be with.” He ignored the itchy feeling under his skin. “I’m just glad we can, hopefully, be civil from now on.”

Cirilla smiled, small but sincere. Before she could reply, though, Geralt appeared through a crack in the trees, carrying a deer over his shoulder. He grunted. “Dinner is served.”

Jaskier laid his head on Geralt’s chest, peering at Cirilla, who was curled up on the ground with a blanket. She obviously trusted them, fast asleep, snoring lightly.

“She really wants to know about Yennefer,” he said, breaking the silence.

Geralt tensed, squeezing Jaskier’s shoulder. “I know,” he replied gruffly.

“Why don’t you want to tell her?” he asked, looking up at him. “Is it…” Jaskier ignored the pain in his chest and barreled on. “Do you still have feelings for her?”

Geralt blinked once. “What?” he asked with a frown. “I- no, I thought we already had this conversation.”

Jaskier shrugged and looked away again, drawing circles on Geralt’s chest. “I just… I would understand if you do,” he mumbled quietly. He suddenly felt like crying, and he wasn’t sure why.

“Jaskier,” he said. “What the fuck are you talking about?”

He shrugged sharply. “Yennefer makes sense for you,” he said, mouth dry. “This beautiful, powerful sorceress and the White Wolf.” Jaskier laughed harshly. “It’s- it’s what everyone’s expecting to happen. Even if it’s long after I’m gone.”

Geralt sat up suddenly, knocking Jaskier off his chest.

Jaskier sat up, too. “What?” he asked.

“Jaskier,” he said again. “What the _fuck_ are you talking about?”

He shrugged and looked away. Cirilla was still asleep, snoring softly.

“I told you,” Geralt continued, reaching for one of Jaskier’s hands, “I am no longer interested in Yen. I- ” he sighed heavily and squeezed his hand. “I want you. Only you.”

Jaskier sniffed quietly. His eyes were stinging. “But _why?_ ” he asked, desperately. He looked at Geralt, eyes a little wet. “You could have any man or woman you wanted, Geralt!” He hoped Cirilla was a deep sleeper. “I don’t- why would you ever want _me?_ ”

Geralt opened his mouth, closed it. Stared silently at Jaskier.

He laughed, sharp and a little sad, looking away again. “That’s what I thought.”

“Jaskier,” he said after a moment, letting go of his hand and reaching up with both hands, cupping his face. Jaskier peered up at him through wet eyelashes. “I don’t think I’ve said these words in…” he paused, licking his lips. “It’s been a while.”

Jaskier searched his face. “Wh- what are you talking about?” he asked, a little worried. He reached up and gently touched Geralt’s arm. “Geralt?”

“Jaskier,” he said again, and Jaskier smiled.

“Yes, that is indeed my name,” he replied, a little teasing. The corners of Geralt’s mouth quirked up, and he felt better, seeing that, knowing he was the one, right now, at least, making him smile.

Geralt leaned in and pressed their foreheads together, taking a deep breath.

“Jaskier, I lo- ”

He was cut off by a scream. Cirilla’s scream as she thrashed and turned in her sleep. Geralt pulled away and rushed over.

“Cirilla,” he said. “Cirilla, wake up.”

Jaskier joined him a few seconds later just as Cirilla opened her eyes, blinking blearily. “Wh- ” she asked, but Jaskier just shushed her, gently.

“It was a bad dream,” he told her.

Cirilla looked only mildly embarrassed as she sat up. “Oh. Sorry.”

“It’s almost morning, anyway,” Geralt grunted as he stood up. “We should get moving.”

Cirilla nodded, and Jaskier stood up, touching Geralt’s arm.

“Thank you,” he said. “I… feel a lot better.”

Geralt stared at him. “I saw a stream earlier. We should go and wash off.”

“Okay,” Jaskier agreed easily enough, smiling softly. 

**Author's Note:**

> if u enjoy my fics please check out:  
> korrmin.tumblr.com/writing


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